Ever wonder why the sun doesn't shine?
by i.anachronism
Summary: Faith writes a letter to Buffy a little while before Buffy trys to kill her. It was almost as if Faith knew exactly what was going to happen.


**Back me down from backing up  
Hold your breath now it's stacking up**

Dear B,

Oh, god, I never believed I'd be doing this, but I am, so here it is.

I remember the day I realized that I liked you. It was about a week after we met, I was just standing there when all the sudden I felt your arms wrap around me in a hug, and I knew. The chills I got were unlike any chills I had ever had, but you were taken. You had both a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I knew you couldn't like me that way.

So I just added you to the many others.

**  
Etched with marks, but I can deal  
And you're the problem and you can't feel**

The first cut I did when I knew you was one that was deep and almost life-threatening, I still have a scar, I could show you. In fact I have many new ones.

But it wasn't you at all, it's me. Me and my stupid problems, me and my stupid insecurities, and me and my cold, dark heart.

Except, I love you…..

**  
Try this on, straitjacket feeling  
so maybe I won't be alone  
Take back now, my life you're stealing**

Now If only you could love me back. Do I have a chance? Or is this just another fragile hope?

Not that I really expect answers.

Will I ever regain consciousness?

**  
Yesterday was hell   
But today I'm fine without you  
Run away this time without you**

Yesterday was a bad day, but you were there, you were my strength. Just having you there to hold me, to comfort me, it was almost as if we were meant to be. We fit together so well.

But today, even though I need you, I'll be ok. I'll be my own strength. All I want to say is thank you.

**  
And all I ever thought you'd be  
That face is tearing holes in me again**

Do you know that your eyes are beautiful? I love your eyes, so bright and full of life. They seem to bore straight into the very depths of my soul. Do I sound corny yet?

**  
Trust you is just one defense  
off a list of others, you don't make sense**

Why do you draw me in? I told myself trust could not be so easily gained, and yet……there's something about you. I don't know what, but It's almost as if I know you'll be there, no matter what.

I love you, but that again is just a fragile, stupid wish.

**  
Take back now, my life you're stealing**

Just say you'll be there, and that'll be enough.

**  
Yesterday was hell  
But today I'm fine without you  
Run away this time without you  
And all I ever thought you'd be  
That face is tearing holes in me  
but today I'm fine without you  
Run away this time without you  
And all the things you put me through  
I'm holding on by letting go of you**

I'm sorry….just forgive. Forgive me my trespasses, just don't leave. You don't understand how much I need you in my life……no….I…..I……I can't, I'm sorry. This….this….just isn't going to work.

I'm holding on be letting go. You see, I've always been told that you need to let things go, and if they come back then their a miracle, and if they don't……then they were never yours to begin with.

**  
And when that memory slips away  
There'll be a better view from here  
And only lonesome you remains  
and just the thought of you I fear  
it falls away**

I'm sorry Buffy. I love you, but I have to let you go. Sooner or later the memories will fade, and neither of us will have to deal with the pain. And one day, you'll wake up, married and happy, still friends with a lot of other people, and you'll remember me.

And then you'll go out, and bump into me on the street, and realize that you know me a moment to late. And I'll realize it was you, and come running back. And then it'll be to late. And I'll spend the rest of my days remembering the girl I let go.

**  
Yesterday was hell  
But today I'm fine without you  
Run away this time without you  
And all I ever thought you'd be  
That face is tearing holes in me  
but today I'm fine without you  
Run away this time without you  
And all the things you put me through  
I'm holding on by letting go of you**

I'm sorry, but things just won't work with us. We're just not meant to be. Realize this….I fell, and I fell hard, but I hate it when people pity me, or try to make me feel better….not that I'm saying you do. It's just……never mind.

Maybe in another life, or time. But this time around, it's me and you, together, but forever apart.

You love someone else, and they'll make you happy, which is something I can't give you. I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Love Faith

"And she took one last look before whispering 'goodbye' and then she looked on sadly and realized that she never truly had a chance. And that she would never have a chance. Destiny was written, and could not be changed. And her destiny was to be alone." I finished sadly looking over what I had written, and realizing, this was not a mistake. Destiny was predestined.


End file.
